Three Disgruntled Minions A Oneshot Adventure
by Wrathofbalance2
Summary: When Ganondorf finds Link to be too big of a threat for his plans of world domination, he sends three of his best minions after him. Now, Chuck, Huber, and Larry go on a quest to find the Hero of time and beat the snot out of him. Do they do it? Find out!


Chuck, Huber and Larry- Three Minions

The day was dark and the clouds were red. This was the average in the kingdom of Hyrule, ever since Ganondorf took over. He been reigning king for the past seven years and things were going smoothly. The only issue he had was the rising champion of the people, the risk to his reign. The Hero of Time.

Now disgruntled at the hero's steady progress towards his castle, Ganondorf decided to unleash his greatest group of assassins onto the trail of the Hero of time.

Their names were Chuck the Stalfos, Huber the Moblin, and Larry the Lizafos. Currently he was giving them their first mission.

"You know why you were all summoned here, correct?" asked Ganondorf.

"No," replied Chuck. "With the way these two work I was wondering why you haven't fired them yet."

"Hey shut up Chuck." shouted Larry.

"Pu m Drif Rhtom." grumbled Huber.

"Tsk tsk tsk, I have never heard such language." mocked Chuck.

"SILENCE!" shouted Ganondorf. "I did not bring you here to quarrel amongst yourselves. I brought you here to give you the mission of hunting down the boy named Link. I trust you can do this for me?"

"Yes sir, we'll bring him back and in pieces." saluted Larry.

"And if we get lost we'll send postage!" proclaime Chuck.

And so away they went. Dashing from Ganon's castle to the great expanse of Hyrule Field they went, avoiding every sort of danger they could find. Then, after dealing with a few snakes caught between pillows, they headed southward towards the Kokiri forest where the hero had been spotted last.

As they walked along the forest enclave town of the Kokiri they noticed that it was surprisingly empty.

"Maybe all the runts ran off in fear." suggested Larry.

Then Chuck exclaimed, "Or they could be running from Huber's stink. Seriously porky, B.O!"

"rhtom ruoy morf ti tog Ah." grumbled Huber.

"Well, she is a little corpsey but I'll give you that one, that was clever." Stated Chuck, handing Huber a high five.

Suddenly the three were assaulted by six Kokiri children attacking from above. They had them each pinned down with some magic spell, and a Kokiri guarding each.

Then a red headed Kokiri with a hat walked up to them and said, "Aha, more bullies up to no good. Well I, The Great Mido, will not stand for this!"

"Shows how much you know." exclaimed Chuck, giggling like a fool. "I'm finding plenty good down here."

Attention then shifted to Chuck's leery grin. One could then tell that he was looking up the skirt of the Kokiri girl guarding him. She let out a piercing scream and gave Chuck a hard kick to the face.

"I probably deserved that." groaned Chuck.

"Enough!" screamed Mido. "We're not going to let you bullies go the other way."

"I didn't know we could fly!" snickered Larry.

Mido, losing his temper, then said. "Gah, that's it, throw them into THE POOL!"

The party of three were quickly bound by their legs and thrown into a deep pool of water. Their lives would've been over then and there if the pool wasn't child sized.

"This isn't a very effective death sentence." pointed out Larry.

"Yeah," mumbled Mido. "Most of our punishments are for kids, so while we're busy thinking of a new idea... PRUNE UP!"

They then walked away with their heads up high.

"Well this is just great," exclaimed Larry. "We're knee deep in liquid and stuck in the middle of a forest populated by children!"

"And it isn't even new years!" exclaimed Chuck.

"Tuo su tg nac I yrrow Tnod." mumbled Huber.

"Oh yea, how?" questioned Larry.

Huber gave them a grin, bit down on their armor and began to bounce. He jumped out of the pool and began to bounce his way to the forest entrance, avoiding any Kokiri along the way. Things seemed like they would work out, until something happened. As they passed one of the Kokiri houses, Chuck took a look inside and blew a loud whistle.

A girl's screams could be heard coming from inside, earning Chuck the hard gazes of Larry and Huber.

"You sicko." growled Larry.

"What?" said Chuck with a nervous grin. "They're hundreds of years old, they're legit."

Suddenly the sounds of alarm could be heard ringing around the village. More Kokiri began to arrive.

This provoked Larry to say, "Yipes! Get the lead out, Hube!"

Huber complied and began to jump at top speed. Still, at this rate they would soon be overwhelmed by the young Kokiri. Though their legs were short, they were not bound. Alas, it seemed to be the end of our heroes, what on earth could they do?

What horrible torture will they be forced to encounter next. This rang through their minds as they bounced along. All hope seemed lost.

"WAIT!" suddenly cried Larry. "A few paragraphs back, the author forgot to write that our hands were bound. We've been bouncing for absolutely nothing."

Stupefied, they looked at their hands and scowled, their eyes filled with a sudden dislike for people whose name starts with "J".

Then, with their dignity on the line, they fled.

On the outside of the forest, the party were spent. Huffing and panting away from the entrance to the Kokiri woods.

"Well that was a waste of time." groaned Larry.

Chuck then said, "Not really, I still got-"

"I don't want to hear it Chuck!" interrupted Larry before continuing. "Alright, we need a sort of plan to find this so called "hero"."

Huber giggled and said, ""Morf ht dtnaw rtsop h ylbaborp si htiw rouy rhtaf."

"Oh come on Huber, do I insult your relatives?" groaned Larry.

"Romuh fo sns a tg on moc." grumbled Huber.

"My humor is fine Huber, it's that you joke all the time that drives me nuts." exclaimed Larry.

"I don't need to say anything," chuckled Chuck. "That would kill the joke."

"OK, ok, listen Huber (you too Chuck)," cried Larry. "We have a job to do. If we don't off the Hero, we're as good as walking corpses. We have to find him without delay."

"Well if you're gonna whine about it, why not just storm some random house in Kakariko and beat the information out of one of those folks."

Larry gave a flabbergasted expression. He then facepalmed himself and shouted, "To Kakariko!"

Once again, the group found themselves back on the open road, making head way to Kakariko Village. Once there, they scoured the place high and low for information. Their first stop was this old carpenter.

"Let me handle this one fellas." whispered Larry before turning his attention to the old man. "Hey geezer, have you seen a green imp running around here lately?"

"Little imp eh?" mumbled the old carpenter. "Well I don't know any imps personally, but it looks like you'd have one."

Larry turned red while Chuck and Huber fell down into hysterics. He then scowled and spat on the ground.

He then picked up the old man and yelled, "HAVE YOU SEEN HIM OR NOT!"

"Nope, no imps around here pal." nervously chuckled the carpenter, before Larry threw him.

"Come on," grumbled Larry to his surprised friends. "Let's try the next house."

So they moved on. The next place they checked was locked so they decided that they would ram the door down.

Larry then instructed to his team, "Remember guys, we have to be smooth. We make no sudden threats. OK, ready? One... two... three!"

Without hesitation the group banged down the door and shouted individual threats."

"KILL." growled Larry.

"RAPE." snarled Chuck.

"Rhtomruoy!" Giggled Huber.

Suddenly their expressions of resentment turned to horror as they gazed at what was in front of them. The sagging mass looked up at them with pale black eyes out of the circular contraption it was in. It's skin was pruned and soggy to no end, dripping with billows of water.

It's horrid grin pierced the group's minds like spears. Larry was horrified to no end. Huber was left speechless and distraught. Chuck was a blubbering mass of words that couldn't seem to fully leave his mouth.

Then the soggy mass said with a leery grin on its face, "Ooh, what strong young men. Would you like to help an old woman with her bath?"

"BY THE GODDESSES SOMEBODY HELP US!" cried the group, running as fast as they could out the door.

For the remainder of the day the group spent their time questioning everyne in the town. They (carefully) searched every home and still made no progress. They were now sitting underneath the roof of a house, each one exhausted.

Suddenly a voice from above spoke out, "You're looking for the kid in green?"

The group looked up to sky to see a man on the roof.

The man then proceeded to say, "If you wanna find him, he went over to death mountain to solve the volcanic eruptions."

He then disappeared behind the roof, leaving the group stupefied.

"That was it?" gasped Larry. "We had been insulted, saw what no one should see, and got humiliated by a ghost, and what did we have to do? Ask a guy on a roof! What was the point of all that?"

"For the entertainment of some sick deity." growled Chuck.

"You know what? I don't even care anymore." exclaimed Larry. "Let Ganondorf get the hero on his own."

Suddenly an ominous voice cried from the heavens, "LARRY! CHUCK! HUBER!"

Flabbergasted by fear, the group ran towards the mountain path. Their journey ahead of them, and more troubles to present themselves.

"I hate fiction." grumbled Larry.


End file.
